typing nominations for udi. sigh. wahahs. shall i nominate myself? hoho! ego me.. sigh

why does it matter so much anyway? owell, it does to me i guess.. and i bet it matters to pltnmates too. i mean seriously, after all the shit we went through, why wouldnt it matter? nyeh. i dont make sense. feeling super horrid now. i dont knoww what to write. and what's worse is what pltnmates told me that happened on monday.. sighh

and furthermoree, i missed 2 trgs so far. crucial trgs and im not there. i guess snrs probably dont even believe i hurt my foot. typical. but it hurts la. at night especially. like now. ouch. i cant stand the fact that well, i dont knoww. some people have their efforts recognized more than others. and i dont know. its depressing.

still stuck on the dumb udi essay. i dont know. is it even put into consideration? or is it only for the sake of them knowing what we think and all. heard they found out who snrs are choosing already.. again, typical. sigh

owell. been kinda stressed lately. yesterday was amusing. interesting. funny. i dont know la. kinda lame meeting i spose.. owell. i feel abit bad. was obvious i was gonna burst out laughing. sorrryy. no offence. just stressed. and i had koishidam sticking out of my jacket and i just sorta rested my head on its head and stroked. comforting? ahhas. dumbness..

tommorow's our first ord trg. me taking partas first. i have no idea why. i actually wanted part bs. gonna be amusing.. weee.. ehh. some of them taller than me laa. gahh

sigh. still stuck. oh logs is kinda confusing. but im managing i spose. my physics still stagnant but im trying reaaaal hard to improve my other subs. doubt much will come out of it tho. i think im slow. yup! weeee.. sigh syimah sighhh. i can stand it la. im super stressed and i frown more often now. usually i can smile wherever i go. or at least fake it i guess. but i dont know. horrid times..

stupid foot. oh.. i did 380 sit ups overall today. couldnt do pushups cos my foot hurt too bad la. situps is worse when doing alot. there';s neck pain when youre trying to lift your head that's like lolling back. and of course your tummy with the folding fats. and then that's when your arms come in cos u hafta pull yourself up after you feel like puking already and cant rely on your stomach muscles anymore. and yes. duymb backbone. its like bruised i spose. cant see. hahs. ouch..

hohum. maths retest on thursday. studied pretty much. shant stress bout it la. cant take much more of that anw. uhhuhs..

yea.. na's doing her mly pt. funny stuff.. hoho dude. im still not working on the essay.. wanted to sleep at 10. so funny..

practised spontaneous with the om-ers. so fun.. i guess it wont be that bad if i dont get thru the auditions. ill still be doing om.. just not the official team..? eh. i think. scary stuff.. i love om! weee

i love myself. i guess. was studying kiamat during madrasah janau. i kept shuddering alot i think. i felt so hollow. duno why. i dont wanna die now. im not ready, like sometimes, people think, its okay, i'd rather die than go through with whatever. but, you woud rather go through alam barzakh? the tortures which you most probably will endure cos let's face it.. ahahs. nvm. im just not ready for death. tanda tanda hari kiamat: semua manusia akan kembali menjadi kafir semula. gosh..

oh. i tried what cikgu said yst. berdoa pada Allah. sembahyang lalu berdoa dan luahkan segala masalah yang terpendam. apa gunanya menangis? kesal dengan apa yang telah dilakukan? bertaubat sahaja dan berdoa kepada Allah swt, yang maha pengampun dan maha penyayang. oooh. i ngaji-ed also. weee. so calming. having religious background helps? meh. i feel kinda hypocritical. berilah saya kekuatan.. yupyup! im gonna do things right.

aight. starting with the udi essay. `bangg.