emo emo emo

went out with nazzer yst for our last date for some time.. so i decided to please him and wear the crocs 'girly'-ish shoes he got me and i swear it hurts like eff and i have blisters ):

in any case, nazzer made me have lunch with his parents which turned out alright and not really very awkward but somewhat awkward. anws free food and his mommy thinks im really pretty so yay! :D

ahwell bugger's enlisting for ns on wednesday and i is emo. though he thinks im being silly cos nothing's gonna change.. well for one thing, we wont be sms-ing anymore when we'd usually message each other all day. i mean not drastic changes but there'll be changes nonetheless.. "so let it change lah". bah i guess it'll only affect us as much as we expect it to..

go la go. see if i care. ):

olivejuice// happy belated 44th..

epiphany

after much thought, i have finally decided to come clean:
i think im mentally ill. D:

nazzer says it's insecurities but na says it's just hormones/pms bah. plus na says that crazy ppl dont think they're crazy. well i guess it could be pms cos i usually do get real bad pms.. as in i dont get cramps or anything of that sort, but i get extremely mood-swingy and do real stupid things nyeh..

okay probably pms then

eh but this things can be taken too lightly manz. i still think i could be prone to depression in the future like post-natal depression and the like.. depressing. ):

anw i've been rather volatile lately. saying and doing the silliest things.. like whatever that comes to mind will immediately be translated to action and that is definitely a dangerous way to do things.. plus i cant control my emotions and i'd cry for no apparent reason and i feel really miserable sometimes bah

it's nothing serious of course, and i really ought to get a grip cos this is getting quite silly and out of hand

what a bunch of ramblings meh. (i still think i could be mentally ill pfft)

olivejuice//

you drive me crazy

i figured that by farewell or perhaps our final As paper, my responsibility as class ct rep would be over and then poor bored na comes along and seems to think a class gathering is of utmost importance

of course i objected initially cos we all know what comes of such initiatives, yes?

and then nazzer said "what's wrong with a class gathering anw?"

and i thought Okay i'll give it a shot. rooms still available at costa sands pasir ris. bbq i can handle. all i need now is to confirm attendance, get the money from the dudes and get this over and done with. but of course even then i couldnt get off easy..

perhaps my gut instinct was right. leave the class alone. we've never really bonded all that much as a class anw. my responsibilities are really over. of course we could have some sort of reunion in the near-enough future, when we've forgotten why it was in the first place that we couldnt seem to come together as a class and be merry (come to think of it, the reason is still very elusive), then maybe a reunion would be due. and we'd laugh and reminisce and Then go "..Oh so that's why.." and then we should go our separate ways again until we forget

it's so nice to finally understand

HAHA wtg.

when the bitches howl

okay so interview with the Goth dudes yst went pretty well.. cept when i had a coughing fit mid-way and had to leave awhile to go outside and cough like a mad cow.. =/

job interview at autism resource centre got postponed to next sat cos of miscommunication.. the good thing though is that since the interviews are scheduled for end nov, i'd be the last few interviewed & so they'd rmb me better i guess? ahwell..

signed up for driving lessons at bukit batok yst yupp

spent my aftn in bed with cough syrup in my system and discussed with nazzer bout our very complicated and somewhat messed up relationship rawr..

super super nosey and fucked up relatives are totally pissing me off.. yes i have a boyfriend, just accept it and move on lah.. >:/ and mom stalking pregnant cousin on facebook is very disappointing.. bah messed up family..

i am starting to get reaaaally bored with life

of the impossible

I HEREBY DECLARE THAT I SHALL BE ON A TWO-WEEK DIET FROM NOW TILL PROM YES. okay but my definition of diet's kinda vague ah.. basically smaller portions, no more second servings, less rice/carbo, no more giving in to cravings (im sorry mega mac!) and lots lots lots of exercise.. bicep curls, tricep thingey, flys, crunches, leg raisers, superman.. okay sounds pretty scary, but i've been doing that for 1.5years every training (and more) so i can do it ryttt? D:

so okay at least 3kg off by 3rd dec. god knows how im gonna do that..

anw tried on dresses at far east today (which made me realize that the ring of blubber round my tummy really has to go) and omg i couldnt fit into one dress cos my shoulder's too wide.. ): in any case, havent bought one yet, though i've narrowed it down to two, which would hopefully still be around when i come by again.. =/

ohyeahh got call from autism resource centre this morning and i've been called in for interview yesyes! haha well it's either cos the response was not that good, or they somehow overlooked the jc1 results bit.. ((: lol aight gotta turn on the charm this thurs, gogo sexy captivating me! O.o.O

yeah and meeting anthropologist dude at his office tmr to discuss his project and where i come in.. lotsa activities lined up nov-dec, reunions, get-togethers, holidays etc. gosh exciting stuff! ahwell im leaving next week free for a certain somebody who's going ns 3rd dec, though he doesnt quite appreciate the gesture and isnt very willing to spend time with me, as always. so yupp shall fill up my next week somehow.. shouldnt be too hard (:

okay im starting to think freedom's not as exciting as i figured it would be. the prospect of the future and having all sorts of new responsibilities is rather daunting.. the air is filled with so many possibilities that it's really quite scary..

oh was suaning sharyn and zijian in the bus after physics bout their lit paper tmr.. >< jiayou ppl only one paper left! lol anw had an interesting talk with the dudes.. those party poopers arent going for prom, along with a bunch of other ppl who dont see a need for it.. ): well after today, i realize though, why prom really is quite useful.

i mean on the one hand, it's freaking overpriced for such little food zomg, and the amount of money wasted, esp for girls, on dresses, shoes, makeup, accessories etc etc, is such a put off. then on the plus side, we have a reason to dress up and feel pretty for one night, we get to see everyone either look really glam or make a fool of themselves, (we get to see guys in suits. yeaaah) but most importantly really is that prom's a kind of closure for two years worth of memories. i mean, this morning i woke up and thought, "this is the last time im waking up at 6am for school" "this is the last time im gonna wear full rj uniform" "this is the last time.." in fact i even requested dad for mee rebus breakfast where we usually eat when he sends me to school, and was late for physics, as na claimed..

gosh it just felt so weird, to leave school for the last time and not actually do anything particularly significant to commemorate it, like kiss the gates or someth (dammit why didnt i think of that earlier!!) i mean wthh it's over, Just Like That. haha so in other words, im really looking forward to prom. and yes i've really enjoyed my two years in rj, and my 6 years as a rafflesian..

filiae/auspicium melioris aevi. (:

of a hopefully much more exciting future

i've been writing my resume for Pathlight school cos they have a job opening for teacher's aid thing. i really really would very much like a job like that yes. applied to moe for relief teaching as well though their application form online sucked and was confusing. plus i dunno whether my grades were of any value cos i dont take O levels poots.

anw Pathlight wants our jc1 results, which is omg so embarrassing. though cca and stuff looks pretty impressive.. ahwells still, limited spaces so goodluck to me manz..

well backup plan (initial plan actually): get a job at a childcare centre. though mom said tt they might need ppl who have proper qualifications and stuff so.. =/

in other news, had brunch with family at delifrance today, which was lovely.. -pats tummy and grins. cck shopping mall with all the revamp's pretty cool woo..

sisters' speech day was lol but food reception was awesome yay! i got a second serving heh. im glad that my parents have decided to embrace my passion for food.. (: anw met nazzer afterwards for Madagascar 2 which is sho cute and random-funny, love! :D

LOL this is super premature celebrating, as if there isnt still physics paper 1 on tues..

i finish up resume nao.

didnt pray with the family in the morning today and was praying in my room with the lights off (cos sis was sleeping) and it reminded me of long-ago saturdays where i'd pray earlier cos i needed to get to macritchie on time for training.. =/ kinda really miss those days

anw only physics paper 1 left on tuesday. and then freedom.

it's been quite a hellish week, which ended with a damn shitty ihist paper yst. ugh should've mugged theme 2 cos apparently the qns are alot easier but instead i hadta screw myself over by doing effing screwed up qns and now i have no hope of getting a c for hist much less a b. fuck

econs was pretty screwed up. physics was just damn =//

i think i have to retake next year. ughhh but i dont want to leyh meh mehh

oh went for some audition thing for a family competition thingey on suria. lol perfect timing eh? anw it was silly and we kinda messed up i guess. doubt we'd get thru owells..

swensens + cs yst was pretty fun lol.. and cos it was a history-ppl dominated outing, with kung as our guest of honour, the usernames they used were like sukarno, aungsan, gorbachev, pol pot, osama, obama and the like. lol! i think im getting the hang of the game yes..

okay dont really have much to say. think im still sleepy.. mugged all night for hist yst and lasted thru the whole of yst on max 1 hr of sleep.. =/

oh yeah going for little sisters' prize presentation ceremony later. zirah got best in maths and nisah got best in malay & higher malay. -.- gosh i miss those days..

oh and HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BIM BIM~ love you muacks! (:

oh yes yes let's go for team run at macs like next week or something and run at the boardwalk at the otherr side and run near the waterr!! (: and i have gym dates with priya to get back our exciting sexy figures back before prom. HAHA.

of a fuzzy future

okay so 12hours worth of As down and another 11 to go ie. Physics II, Econs II, Econs I, Ihist and Physics I.

four days in a row and econs and physics are my worst subjects as of prelims.
so screwed

well i can be optimistic and believe that i'll pull through physics and econs with at least a C but omg how likely is that?

okay so eventhough some may claim that getting into a uni isnt the only way to go after As, for now i dont see what else i can do if i dont make it. i mean, i have so much i want to achieve, not academically but like things i wanna do and change etc etc but having a university degree seems like the must-have before i can start living life proper.

like firstly, i need a good job and money to initiate all my projects and stuff

okay so maybe post-As i'll consider the other routes i can take.

but for now, i guess all i can d0 is mug. wooh

of the past and present

SEAHIST
GP
OVER YAYYYY.
just like another 7 more papers to go? -headdesk

oomg and i was almost late for paper today booos. dad dropped me off somewhere farfar from lockers cos of ****ing construction work thing (thankyoulimlaicheng) so i rann to locker area to leave my bag at the tables, grabbed stuff, rann to parade square area to check venue (i forgot my register no. again and wtf entry proof as well), rann to lockers to get entry proof, rann to check venue, a57 wtg, rann up to 5th floor, my ziplock bag/pencil case tore otw up nyeh. and when i reached, none of the classes had gone in yet. -.-

by then i was sweating like a pig and had developed some major headache that lasted the first 10-20 minutes of gp paper 1. rawr

and i wrote on the importance of dreams cos head couldnt think. how sad

seahist was doable. GP compre was oddly duh but kinda threw me off guard and summary was wtf, didnt have enough time to finish AQ ):

hoping to get B for both. hopefully hopefully can yes. ):

time to spam maths nao