of a sick way to end a rafflesian career

5 DAYS TO As

ahh fu*k this shit
at the rate my mugging's going, i'd probably have to retake next year, rawr
ahwell we'll just see how things go..

in any case, pretty video from katy perry (doesnt she remind you of sophie ellis baxtor?) =/



and im off to eat nao. yay comfort food..

of looming doom

9 days wtf!

of strange meetings

econs mug has been quite enlightening.. in fact, i think its very interesting. and i only discover this now, whaii.. ):

mugged in sch with bim yst and awhile today.. zomg why didnt anyone tell me tt RPA's been providing $1 dinner in sch for the past few weeks rawr! i bought a second serving and teammates laughed at me boos..

treated little sisters to swensens for lunch just now cos one finished her psle recently and the other wanted to tag along.. nazri came over awhile later and it was pretty odd.. sisters rated him 8 and 9 out of 10, so i guess they approve.. =/ strange relationship, strange times.. ahwell.

anw hari raya open house tmr. good food, good money yay! let's hope i can cram some mug time in between..

oh was in the train home with sharm and she has quite some fascinating stories.. i find the clubbing scene quite intriguing.. wonder if i'd get hit on if i went hmm.. O.o

hey hey guess what! 14 days to As

hahahhaa. screwed

eh cool we got team colours award cos we got overall fourth for nats. -amused, amazed, YAY!

of fond memories

i realize that there really is a lot about rj that i'll miss.. the college itself, the white and green walls that we initially thought was cold and missed the homey-ness of rg.. i mean yar rj's sprawling huge and there really isnt a sense of ownership for the sch (i miss ncc room rawr) but there are little places to hang out here and there and i think i'll miss also my loner times in the sch.. like sat afternoons after trg, the upper floors are deserted most of the time and it's really nice to just walk through the school yup.. oh yes and i'll miss huge huge library, just because it's huge and pretty dome shape and nicenice view wooh, though it cant beat rg lib with the super duper nice slack corner.. canteen food? okay la.. will miss canteen vendors tho haha! what else what else..

teachers, not really ah.. eh no wait, kaur yes. kung yes. dr fang, yeah. limbay, yeah probably. mssoh, yeah. physics teachers, not reallyy. okay yeah and the random nice remedial teachers lol.

people? hell yeah. esp the rg girls, simply cos they've been a constant, somewhat. pltnmates, teammates (team camwhore pics pwnz lol lol!) (kinda sad that there wasnt a photo-taking culture in ncc- many many kodak moments uncaptured cept in our memories, which will probably erode over time D:)

08s05a. HAHA gosh will i miss them? yea im quite sure i will. maybe even the Special individuals.. the girls, yes i will most definitely miss all of them, really, honestly, not lying. (: well there are some guys in class that i talk to only on an occassional basis, mostly cos of different subject combis (which i insist is the main reason why we arent all that bonded as a class) and hence rojak class and varying personalities.. melting pot vs salad bowl lol. ah but ultimately, im quite fond of almost everyone in class, and it's a shame that we'll be ending our last month as rafflesians (omg i'll miss being an elitist rafflesian bitch), in utter mugging madness. ahhh fishsticks

haha samkwek sent invitation to join 'I am against the Raffles Merger!' on facebook. -amused. on that note, yes i find the merger quite screwed up (ri boys will actually be able to legitimately eat at rj canteen and spam 711 wtg!) oh haha but the tiny mats with their sarongs otw for friday prayers damn cute! hmm.

ahwell shall continue with reminiscing post-As.
back to econs

of questionable emotions

what a fucked up world we live in

of profound art and camwhoring

haha veryy fun day, which started with me being late for school cos i didnt know there was assembly.. lol not that many ponners, surprisingly, and class lunch was almost half, wow! hahaha

anw we had half an hour before award ceremony thingey started and we camwhored about the class.. didnt bring camera so i took candid pictures with everyone in class, and on top of their shocked expression due to the sudden presence of a phone in their face, their eyes were unfocused cos they were looking for the inconspicuous camera haha! -amused

award ceremony was pretty dull cos only 5 of us ended up together cos the rest of the class was late and they sat at the gallery.. talked with pris bout the future and the possible jobs for classmates and that was pretty entertaining.. oh ms soh was so sweet and emo and her performance with the KI dude was really nice.. (: then joined the rest of em upstairs for batch song, cheers, college anthem and more camwhoring!

then met up with teammates at specs gall for more camwhoring! and that took almost an hour i think hoho.. we did failed jumpshots, pushup poses, dip poses etc, and Mac' NTM love! :D oh gosh and i really really really miss macritchie and the water and the blue blue sky and the whole macritchie family, and bloody mary sigh..

then ge gave us a tour of the art gallery open house! such wonderfully artistic ppl and beautiful artworks, us canoeists felt superbly talentless after that bah..

then was very late for lunch with the class. 13 ppl, what an achievement.. (: i had fries and choc malt sundae wheee!

okay long enough post, basically rather emo day ah but couldnt emo properly also cos of looming As.. 21 days to seahist paper wtg?! D:

better mug now i guess..

but before i leave,
1. The last person to tag you was...?
taufiq & farin
2. Your relationship with him/her...?
food provider & farin <3!
3. Your 5 impression towards him/her ?
- so lame, easygoing, passionate, fickle, generous (more food plskthx!)
- so weird, easygoing, passionate, ms popularr, flockeyyy
4. The most memorable thing that he/she has ever done for you ?
- fooood
- her birthday cards/ raya cards (:
5. The most memorable words that he/she has say to you ?
- so when girls have their period, is it free-flowing or like titration?
- so many, howw?
6. If he/she becomes your lover, you will...
- make him buy me more food
- make her go to all the playgrounds in singapore with me!
7. If he/she becomes your enemy, you will...
- make him do 100 pull-ups, but he'd phail
- not give her my love anymore ):
8. If he/she becomes your lover, he/she has to
- stop looking at his 100000 eye candies
- stop looking at her 100000 boyz
9. If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason is...
- obvious =/
- i became her enemy first, i win!
10. The most desirable things to do for him/her is...
- give him a hot bod so that he'd have a chance withe the 100000 eye candies
- you already have my love, what more dyou want!
11. Overall impression towards him/her is..
- lame
- weird
12. How do you think the people around you will feel about you ?
- whai so high?
13. The character you like of yourself is ?
- my love for sports whee
14. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is ?
- my lack of drive in studies
15. The most ideal person you want to be is ?
happy, witty, eloquent, generous, kind, make-a-difference, money making machine heh
16. For the person who cares and likes you, say something about them
smart ppl
17. Who I Tag: (well they've mostly done this so this is just to answer the qns)
1. nana
2. farin
3. melz
4. selene
5. bim
6. linda
7. fungs
8. taufiq

18. Who is number 2 having a relationship with ?
alot of women
19. Is 3 a male or a female ?
mostly female
20. If number 5 and 7 got together, would that be a good thing ?
eheh should be interesting
21. How about 5 and 8 ?
quite strange, but might be fun
22. What is number 1 studying about ?
quotes farin: things she doesnt quite wanna study
23. When was the last time you had a chat with them ?
talked to everyone today cept for farin! ):
24. Is number 4 single ?
dunno leyh, selene are you single??
25. Say something about number 2.
love you muackx

okay that's done

ack

embarrassingly emo past few entries, let's pretend that didnt happen

i think i've been eating alot. i is too fat redi ugh

i should stop flirting with the guys around me ohnoes..

and yes, back to mug!

questions

i still cannot fathom this rather drastic decision he made.. i mean there are some things in life that i'd rather not question, like the existence of god or why we have to learn math, but this is something i really want to know. why anyone would throw away something that was so amazing, so close to perfection is beyond me..

i mean where else can you find two people with the same passion for food? (eventhough there were slight differences in the way we indulge in our passion, like the way he spams wasabe when he eats sushi or how we devour our mega burgers, which clearly shows our individuality, our similarities were enough to attract but not enough to repel, i suppose) or how about two people who derived enjoyment from hiking up bukit timah hill, time and time again?

i thought i got through to you when you started crying before the movie, that i got you to see how perfect we are for each other. but maybe it wasnt the right way to solve things either.. showing you a glimpse of the past when i should've perhaps presented you with a possibility of the future. our future. i cant rmb what i replied you when you asked if it was necessary to go through with this. well the answer is no. we didnt have to, cos we could've solved it some other way. but it's too late now i guess..

half of me still wants to hold on to the possibility of Us and that things would get back to normal, but this situation is so foreign, that i cant even view this possibility with faith. the door to our relationship is still open i guess. on the other hand, the other half of me just wants to close the door cos that's really the only way i can heal, yes? the healing process will take awhile, (plus upcoming As = AWESOME timing) and i pray that i will recover with as little scars as possible..

but you know what, i ought to feel quite pissed. this is really selfish behaviour, not to mention irrational and positively stupid. god what were you thinking..

i think anger's easier to deal with than a broken heart

okay following family to aunt's now eventho god-knows how badly i need to study.. cant bear being alone right now hoho..

oh god this is so pathetic and so drama, i'd laugh if i weren't playing a starring role, in which case it sucks

i'll be okay

stranger things have happened..

though i still cant quite believe that it actually happened. i feel sick and am hoping that i'd wake up to find that this is all a bad dream, but who am i kidding eh?

i mean this has happened countless times in the past 3yrs 7months and 7days and we somehow always manage to pass each obstacle ohkay and proceed to create more good memories. i suppose that's not gonna happen this time.. i still think that it could've been salvaged, but ahwell we'll never know la.. kinda dramatic and cliched but time will pass and i'll soon be able to forget this dreadful period and move on..

such is life anw

you know, i always thought tt when today came, (though i prayed hard tt it never would) i'd be strong enough to accept it.. i think im losing my mind. how dyou remove something that's so much a part of you anw? and pls if he did still love me, he wouldnt do this to me ryt? so yeah i guess we just weren't fated for each other, and if god-willing i'd find someone who deserves me and wont hurt me anymore.. ahwell let's hope..

it was an interesting way to end a relationship though. a re-enactment of one of the happiest days in my life.. our last day as a couple spent like our last day as just-friends.. ironic though that today's our last day as friends as well, since i dont exactly stay friends with ex-boyfriends.. but you never know, maybe when it stops hurting, i'll be civil enough to say hello..

ohh something reallyy funny happened in the bus after he got off the bus hoho.. i was being a drama queen and crying and all (sorry for the dramatics lah, i couldnt help it) and this aunty suddenly ploppped right next to me and stared. OMG SO WEIRD! i mean lawl there were many other seats in the bus la pls.. so so strange.. though i think i might've scared her when i started laughing lol..

hmmkay we shall move on now.. it's been fun, thank you.

prospect

dad invited his italian anthropologist client over for hari raya, along with his wife and another couple.. this was mainly cos i expressed interest in the area of social sciences(partly cos it seems like the only possible field i can pursue..) so yeah he explained what anthropology is, what he does and the work he's done.. he focuses on islam and religion etc and it really is fascinating.. and it seems way more interesting than sociology cos it deals with the Why and you get to meet so many people and he's travelled to so many places, so exciting!

he's gonna be attached to NUS for a year and doing research regarding muslims in singapore and societal issues, which was something i've always wanted to delve into in the future haha! bah he beat me to it but still i can just focus on opening my child care centre for the less fortunate and try to inspire these kids to break out of their current social status.. and since dr gabriele's already gonna tackle the issue, i'll know the root of the problem and be able to try and find effective solutions..

and and and the best part is that he asked me if i'd like to intern as his research assistant after As yeaahh! bah but ny only reservation is that he wont be able to pay me so i wont be able to save up for all my travelling plans.. im terrible bleah, but fantastic opportunity howww! hoho anw if anyone's interested, here's his blog lol: http://marranci.wordpress.com/

such exciting plans ahead..

but of course my priority now is to pwn As and hopefully make it to a uni with a good social sciences faculty and then pray hard tt i can get a scholarship to take my masters in anthropology overseas.. (:

lunch with linda at macs and outing with dad and sisters to lot1 was fun.. :D

pms yst, sorry for rant..

olivejuice// confusing times..

one man disco

you know, every time i end up feeling lousy and subsequently have noone to turn to to discuss why im feeling lousy or someone to simply just talk to and pretend im not feeling lousy but the simple fact that i have noone to turn to makes me question my life and the people in it

all this while, everytime this happens, i'd blame myself and think that hey i havent been the greatest of friends cos i couldnt make time for them, i couldnt hang out with them cos i had some thing or another or i dunno, maybe i just wasnt asked along due to the assumption that i couldntt have made it anw. then i realized, that in all honesty i have tried so hard to be there for the ppl i care for, people who matter to me and i did what i can given the time i had, given the circumstances. yes i have been busy with canoe, or like ncc when i was in rg. i gave these commitments everything i had but even then i really did try to be there for my friends

my point is that my friends dont seem to care what i do, how i am or what i have to say. noone tells me anything, noone cares to ask whether i'd like to come along wherever or whether i need anything from wherever even if they dont want me there or at least tell me where you're going instead of leaving me wondering where the hell you went or whether im needed there at all. friendship of convenience ftw..

im very easily affected by criticisms and usually i'd try to change. people said i talked to much, so i talked less. people said i dont listen, so i try to open my ears a little wider. i try so hard to please but some people are just so difficult to deal with. im sick of having to bear with people's moods. im sick of you treating me any way you please just because

there are lovely people who ask me if im okay when i look bummed or bother to freaking talk to me instead of ignoring me half the time. but these people have friends of their own and i cant expect to turn to them when they're busy with their own lives. i mean i have my own supposed friends who i can rely on to lend me a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear to my woes. i dont have the heart to burden these kind souls who simply asked if i was okay or even if they did ask me what's the matter, i cant expect to just spill all now, can i?

it just gets so painfully lonely somtimes..

i stop here nao cos parents are being fucking annoying