the story:
so we were let off work early today around 2pm. i left later then most cos i went to the washroom and everyone else cleared out like super fast lest the supervising teachers changed their mind i guess..
SO ANW, i was all alone and plugged in to my phone listening to some very loud music and waited for the train at the head carriage. the train came not long after and i walked towards 3 empty seats, then an old man with appeared in front of me and shoved me aside. taken aback and upon seeing that he was an old man with a cane, i moved back. and then all of a sudden he fell on his back on the train floor. i was like OMG and shut off the music on my phone, picked up his cane and newspaper and stared at him in shock. luckily he had his friend whom he instructed to carry him up, along with a presumably random stranger. at the same time, another guy had pressed the emergency button and informed the mrt personnel that a man had fainted. so i was like phew he's okay.
so i passed the old man his cane and newspaper and then he started yelling at me. he yelled at me, right in my face, in front of a full carriage. okay so anw he accused me of giving him a dirty look when he wanted the seat. he said that i had no compassion for a man with a stroke. he cursed me and hoped that i would get stroke in the future. he cursed my parents as well cos they didnt teach me anything. "i have a stroke okay and my friend has *quotes random disease*" "and you dont even say sorry" at this point i was very stunned and i just blinked at him. of course i got pretty pissed off when he started cursing me and my poor parents so my expression changed into a glare and i walked away and stood by the non-operating door side.
so by now i had went back to listening to my music cos clearly the guy was just real bitter bout his condition and nothing i said would've amounted to anything right? yes so by now 2 mrt personnel had appeared (i assume they entered from the next stop?) and were asking him if he was alright i guess. before that, there was also another man trying to calm him down or whatever, to which he said "dont defend her, dont defend the younger generation.. (and i turned the music up)". so anw when the mrt ppl came, i looked over to see if the guy had shut up but when i did, he pointed at me and said "her! tt's the girl. wears a tudung and prays five times a day but.. (so i turn away)" a bunch of ite girls were saying discussing rather loudly at this point, and in malay, that the man had no right to yell at me (i agree) and that they would've definitely yelled back. one of em looked at me sympathetically and told me not to bother bout the man.
it was the longest train ride i ever had to endure
-end of story-
so here are my takeaways from this very enriching experience.
1. that was extremely traumatising and when i got home (and embarrassingly enough, while walking home as well when i called na&nazri), i couldnt stop crying for a 40 mins or so. it's not everyday you get yelled at by a complete stranger and in front of so many ppl no less. also, it was mostly cos of all the pent up emotions during the train ride itself i guess. i mean at first i was seething inside cos this man just humiliated and insulted me for no reason and i couldnt say anything cos he's an old man (well not really old, early or mid 50s maybe?) and tt would be pretty rude(cos my parents thought me that, thank you very much) but after i got the angry bit, i was feeling quite sorry for myself and the man somewhat, and a thousand and one responses came to mind and i very much wanted to say "look, i know you're feeling bitter but that's no reason for you to lash out at me. if it's pity you want then im sorry for you"
whichh i know is a pretty awful thing to say so i just got off the train without a word. ahwell but no matter what, i cant lie and say that im completely over it cos i can still see his face in front of me when i close my eyes, ugh
2. im very proud of myself and how i handled the situation yayy. not saying anything makes me the bigger person (not cowardly!) and i guess others would expect me to leave the carriage or get off the train but no i didnt cos i did nothing wrong and i shouldnt leave as if i did. i mean im very sure i didnt give him a dirty look, shocked maybe but not dirty (like wtf?). but i guess my shocked look may, to a sensitive person, seem like a dirty look owells.. anw i dont think i apologized in the end cos i have my own dignity and i refuse to apologize for something i did not do. though mom scolded me for not saying sorry but i dont care, i did what i believed was right and i stuck to my principles yes. ah but mom also scolded me for crying and listening to music, which is very random and not very helpful but okay. oh but daddy said he was proud of me cos i was very strong (:
oh and i helped pick up the man's stuff and didnt just walk away so that means im an okay person.
3. the man was really very bitter. while staring at him as he yelled at my face, i tried to psychoanalyze this possible psycho. firstly, from his rather articulate and fluent use of english and i think he was reading an english newspaper, he must be an educated man. he's prolly just real bitter bout his condition (like a fallen man) and expects other ppl to sympathize with him (and the cruel treatment of the young ignorant generation towards him) (which btw is a horrible mentality, i mean, encouraging others' pity and all).. anw sis mentioned that he was prolly just embarrassed that he fell and thus lashed out on me cos i was the most convenient scapegoat. (quotes: i fell cos i very angry okay. that girl ah..) and on a lighter note, sis said i must've been like a rock, for him to fall after shoving me haha..
4. after showering and praying, i felt alot calmer and cleansed in a sense. i prayed to Allah to protect and shield me from such a disease (cos i believe that whatever we say is like a form of prayer and for him to have said it, even in anger or eventhough it's not right, i am still quite vulnerable in a sense) and to protect my parents as well. i forgive him, i truly do and i hope lashing out at me made him feel better somewhat cos god knows i'd feel awful too if i were in his position.. well eventhough i still wouldnt wanna apologize, i wouldnt mind saying thankyou cos i did learn a few things from this experience (after all, i did promise myself that i would live life to the fullest and gaining new experiences is essential to my growth as a person, including awful ones like this) and i hope he got something out of the experience as well, whatever tt may be.. =/
5. i feel mature heh
okay long enough entry, i'll blog about my 7 day malaysia roadtrip, and job and nazri's unsurprising surprise birthday party like tmr or something yupp
oh and Seven pounds is a beautiful beautiful show, everyone must watch okayy! (:
olivejuice// it's insane, this love i have for you. rawr
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