keep our heads high

i honestly didnt consider the possibility of capping. at least not when we were lined up at the start. i was going for the gold. i set my heart, my mind, my everything on it. race started and we rowed hard, we were second to nj. and then it happened. god i can still see it so clearly in my mind.. there was this sudden huge tilt and we were shouting nonono and desperately tried to tilt back but it was no use.

im really sorry for everything, michelle,ge,deb. im sorry that whatever i said in the water made you guys feel worse, i really didnt mean it to be. and ugh i was so shaky and everything.. t1 noob in a k4.. i feel awful.

we were so close. and thinking bout today reminds me of women's open last year and i was so close then too. and nats, i didnt even bloody row cos i gave up before i could even try.. i should have just shut up bout the pain then, cos just like today, i rowed eventho my back was hurting damn bad cos i didnt wanna let the k4 down. which means i could've rowed for nats cos the pain's all in the mind. but i guess ge rowing in my place for nats was best for the team, and she really did damn well too for someone who was made to row at such short notice..

today feels like a very bad dream. everything just feels so surreal..

when we were in the water, i rmb being very disappointed but still relatively calm.. when we got back on our boat and had to row back, it struck me then that we had to row back to shore, defeated and it just felt so horrible.. and ge and mich were crying and i told them to stop but before long, i was crying too and i just couldnt help the feeling of regret and letting everyone down..

now that i've let out all that's been bothering me, i can let go of today completely and move on..

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

i will be stronger. im sorry if the k4 girls disagree with me, but i think we have given it our all, and what happened was beyond our control.. let's stay strong and look forward to better races in the future.. rmb when we prayed before our race? you guys asked for God to give you strength to handle whatever that may happen. rmb the screwups during nats last year? and how the j3s were so strong and kept their heads high even then? let's just hold on to the memory of coming in first during our heats and how good it felt, cos we're gonna make it happen again for future races.. =)

my thanks and love goes to the entire team, both girls and guys, for cheering us on and cheering us up and the girls esp for making me smile even when i felt like crap..

im very motivated to train doubly hard now, but by decree of the sports doc and my dad, im not to row for a month, (cept for saturdays cos i managed to bargain for it) and i feel so guilty.. how can i expect to win a gold when im missing so many trgs while other schs will be training like mad? tsk..

i should go sleep now or something. back hurts so bad bother..

olivejuice//