life is about coincidences and fate?

haha. been looking forward to yesterday for weeks..

started at 7.15 when i got on the bus to school. i got a seat and slept.

woke up at 7.45. the bus was reaching the sch busstop. noticed that my plastic bag which i had filled with clothes was toppled over. i checked to see if my biscuits were still inside they were.

got off and started walking. felt something was wrong. my wallet was missing.

reached school. was panicking like anything in the ncc rm. pltnmates hadnt reached sch yet. didnt know what to do. then heard voices outside. jy and her dad. ncc shirts just came in.

went to the general office. noone behind the counter. people milling about tho. stoned awhile. went back to ncc rm. noone was there. went back up. same thing. considered goign to the int to look for the wallet myself and be late for sch or somethg. bah. anw went back ncc rm. sn was there with jy. went back go. jalleh was behind the counter. i asked him what i should do. he said he didnt know where the phonebook was and told me to look for it myself. thanks alot.

pltnmates were busy with the shirts. i was still panicking. so i thought -hey let's just call dad for help. borrowed py's phone and called dad. got abit of scolding but dad said he'll do what he can.

went up to class. jalleh asked how's my wallet. i said fine.

called dad again during pe. no luck.

geog. got our pt back. screwed it bad.

recess. called dad. no luck still.

hist. stoned. cle. nancy says there's a wallet found on the 190. hoorah?

lunch.ss. freedom.

called dad after sch. wallet's with mom. went for lunch with na. nancy came by.

went for tuition. called sis to ask her to check my bag for the choir tix. sis took suchh a long time to find it and dad intercepted the phone. told me to come home. no questions.

the next hour + was hell. i was scared to death and the thought of an impending doom and no way for escape is sad.

nancy sent me home. appreciated it. really needed someone to take my mind off things. neared home and i knew i was in for it. i was stupid anw to leave such incriminating stuff so openly..

got home. prayed. then it came.

first time i ever got beaten that bad i guess. belt lashing hurts. seriously. was too numb to really feel anything much. it did sting tho. ouch. not so surprisingly i cried. so much for being strong..

cried again in the toilet. the pain was coming. i could see the marks on my arm. mom was scolding me from outside. tried blocking out the sounds. then she went away. showered. went to bed. it burned where the belt hit my skin. i felt hot all over. i thought seeing disappointment hurts and that physical pain didnt hurt too bad. but i guess it did. being in ncc did help tho. the initial pain was bearable.

dad asked what was to become of me. what made me this way. i thought of it too.

i could blame my parents.. i guess. they cannot deny the fact that they favoured my sisters. and they cannot say that its because im like this. they started it first. seriously and im not simply being immature. i hate my mom for what she did to me when i was in pri2. it was degrading and horrid. mom may have moodswings but it doesnt give her reason to do that. i know its just one incident, perhaps there's more, but i guess the most significant incident usually sticks.

well point is. i dunno. coincidences happen? its a coincidence that i lose my wallet yst of all days. its a coincidence that noone happened to be in the go to help me. (although i doubt anyone could) its a coincidence that i had to leave my tix at home and call sis for help. and its fate that we're not meant to be..? star-crossed indeed.

my skin still burns.. and well i still dunno what to do bout the situation but yeah. dad threatened to do something real drastic if i dont change. scary..

and anw i figured that the reason why i get busted so often is simply because Allah loves me and decided to intervene. im lucky. i guess.

and i love my nazri. just dont know how i can continue with this. or whether i even should. ahwell..